oh man, I'm everything I said I wouldn't be

1. When you hear that someone was sexually assaulted, don't ask, "What did that person do to put themselves in a dangerous situation?"* The better question is always, "Why didn't the perpetrator let this person go about their day unharmed?"

2. When you hear that someone was harmed by an abusive partner, don't ask, "Why don't they just leave?" The better question is, always, "Why doesn't the batterer stop the abuse?"

3. Sexual assault is not about sex. It's about POWER and CONTROL.

4. Jokingly throwing around the word "rape" is about as funny as jokingly throwing around the word "lynch." If your exam was difficult, it didn't rape you - it was merely difficult and you probably should have studied more.

5. You are pretty damn statistically likely to be in the company of survivors on pretty much a daily basis. Act accordingly.

6. Every other human being is just as much of a human being as you are - regardless of gender, sex, sexual identity, race, ethnicity, religious affiliation, socio-economic status, etc. Treating women as mere sexual objects is like treating African Americans as mere tools.

7. Consent: No means no, but just because someone didn't SAY "no," doesn't mean the act is OK. Always wait for a "yes" before proceeding - and always back down at "No."

8. Implying that men can't control themselves is not very humanizing. Men are more than just sex-obsessed pigs. And even if you don't buy into that, take note that men can (and do) stop if a parent/spouse walks in or if the bed catches aflame.

9. Most rapists are men but most men aren't rapists.

10. Only you can prevent forest fires. (Alternatively: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.)

*Situations that do not currently and will never "cause" a sexual assault to happen: Walking alone, wearing a short skirt, getting drunk/high/whatever, sleeping, forgetting to lock a door, having male friends, wearing a ponytail/having long hair, talking on a cellphone/otherwise being distracted, being in a parking lot/alley/abandoned warehouse/home of a convicted sex offender, not putting up a fight, being small/petite/elderly/young/disabled, not carrying pepper spray/an umbrella/car keys, being alive, breathing, watching Comedy Central, not watching Comedy Central, taking a bubble bath, feeding dogs, owning a cat. AMONG MANY, MANY THINGS. In fact, everything that most of us do on a daily basis are things that can not/will not "cause" a sexual assault. The only person who can "cause" a sexual assault is the person who commits the crime.